HOPELESS and at a complete loss. Am i ever going to live a life again? .Can anyone help me?
HOPELESSANDLOST
Posted by HOPELESSANDLOST
on Mar 9, 2007
(last modified on Mar 9, 2007)
Hi my name is Paulette and I am not sure why I am even writing this, I guess I need to talk about what I've gone through, but i am so humiliated I would like to explain why my home is in foreclosure and how I lost my happy comfortable life because I cared about someone else ...but if there is anyone out there who has any compassion and the ability to help I would do anything in my power to repay your kindness. Not just financially...anything from cleaning your home to repairing your pc. I don't want to make this story long but what happened to me started with one mistake 3 yrs ago and has cost me everything. I had a good job as a supervisor at a doctor's office and owned my 3rd home by the age 27. I remodeled the previous 2 with some help from friends to be able to get a nicer home. 1 month after i bought this house i caught my husband cheating on me and filed for divorce. The house was in my name only because he did not contribute to the down payment/remodeling or furnishing of the houses and he had bad credit. But I had a beautiful home in a great neighborhood and I was thrilled. But I had a $1200 mtg and was only making about 30k a year at that time and a car payment. I got a raise...and used my savings to pay off my car because i wanted to keep my house. 2yrs later i got a job as a manager of a neurology practice and was making about 15k more so i was able to make the house pmt easily...(i was always frugal with everything else)Approx 3yrs I worked there and was approached by a physician i had met in the past and was offered 55k to manage her ophthalmology practice.(The duties she expected from me were far less and so were the hours for more pay so I accepted. This is what changed my life forever. I gave my notice and my boss was shocked. She wrote me an email that evening and stated she was going to be lost without me there and even though she never said it she appreciated all of the extra effort I had put in to fix many problems they had collecting insurance and correcting all of the legal compliance issues. We often butted heads because she was oblivious to all of the laws that had passed with privacy and data transmission security that was now required. I worked 7 days a week for he first 1 1/2 there just fixing problems. Anyway...she ended the email asking me if i would reconsider and offered me a raise and said she had no idea I ever thought of leaving and if I was unhappy about something there she wanted to know. We had gotten very close over that time and I really did care and felt overwhelming guilt for doubting she appreciated anything I ever did.. I just couldn't quit on her after she said that...she rarely admitted having feelings let alone needing anyone so I really thought she cared as well. And I really did like my job so I decided to stay. 3 days later i just arrived at the office and for the first time in my life I had a seizure, lost consciousness and fell straight backwards and fractured my skull. I was taken to the hospital and all i remember was being very confused and then very scared because i was terrified at what had happened. They wanted to keep me overnight for observation due to a severe concussion and the 17 staples holding the back of my scalp together..but I was so panicked i just wanted to go home. I was told that i couldn't go to sleep for more than 2hrs at a time and someone needed to watch me overnight and wake me up.They were afraid i had swelling of my brain. It was hard to think straight too..everything just in a fog..couldn't be logical anyway. My boss came to the hospital(it was her day off) and she drove me home after many objections .whe wanted me to stay overnight so I told her my best friend was on his way to stay with me otherwise she insisted that she would stay...I just wanted to be alone . Myfriend was actually on a trip to new york and i didnt want to tell my family so. I called him up and he was upset that I was alone so he stayed up all night to call me every 2hrs to make sure i was ok. I was very dizzywhen I got home and was having trouble focusing so just laid in bed with my puppy and cried myself to sleep.. About 2am Haley(my pup) woke me up she was very agitated at something she heard...she never barked at any noise outside and usually very calm so i was a bit nervous but i figured maybe it was just a racoon or something...It never crossed my mind that someone was trying to break in. She just kept running from the bedroom to the living room.and kitchen .like she couldnt tell where the noise was coming from and then whimpering...she heard something.. and then so did i..sounded like metal being scraped...i tried to walk to the living room to see what it was and i was so dizzy i couldn't. Then I heard it outside my bedroom window..and I was scared because i couldn't run so i tried to dial 911 and couldn't focus on cell phone and i was really in a panic ..then my bedroom window went flying up and i just started screaming "What in the fuck are you doing..who the hell is there?" the window went slamming shut and he took off. I have never been so afraid in my life....ever..or felt that helpless. When i first separated from my husband an overprotective friend left a lead pipe under my the bed he said i should have just in case of an emergency and i used to laugh..I can assure you if i hadn't had a concussion with a fractured skull i would have waited for his head to come through that window and he would have been the one with a fractured skull when i got done with him..i was in such shock and so afraid after he left i just couldnt stop crying. The next day I told my neighbor about it and he went nuts .when i told him i didnt call the police..his son in law was a local detective he called them and they came immediately.The moron who tried to break in left 2 complete hand prints on the outside of the window when he shut it. Good thing I didn't wash the outside ones too often lol. It took 6mos for them to get the fingerprint match back from whereever they send them to so I spent the next 6 months living in fear of my neighbor's son who was a known troublemaker in the neighborhood I was younger than most of the neighbors and I got along with him fine. However the detective had previously arrested him for a breakin and he seemed very sure it was him again. I always had my car parked in the driveway when i was home but because of the seizure i had to leave it at work.. obviously he thought i was not home. I have never gotten over that fear..and to this day..I am still afraid to have my windows open at night .I had a ranch home and still do..But mostly I am angry that he took away that complete peaceI had ..my home was my comfort zone.I was happy there .no one should have to be afraid in their own home. They questioned him and the detective told him they had clear prints..and asked him point blank.."are they going to be matched to you...? You may as well confess because if they are yours...there is no way out. Sure enough he admitted it...he told the detective he was drunk and high and thought i wasnt home and he needed money for more drugs so he was going to rob me. I was beyond livid when heard that...but his poor parents were so humiliated they couldnt face anyone for a long time...Then my life fell apart... I returned to work only 2 days later and my boss was being very cold and distant and i didn't know why. 1 week later on Friday morning i was getting ready to walk out the door for work and apparently had another seizure. I awoke on my dining room floor about 2hrs later and called her completely scared. She told me to call 911 and go to the hospital and I just panicked again and stayed home all day. She called the hospital and found out i didn't go and was upset with me. I went to work on Monday morning she was sitting in my office and asked me to sit down. She said I am terminating your employment and here is 2 weeks of severance pay. I was flabbergasted..i asked her why and she just said that she felt betrayed by me for giving her notice 2 weeks prior and couldn't trust me any longer. If i wasn't in such shock i probably would have slapped her..so i left and spent that entire day in tears. I had refinanced my home a few months before that to pay off credit card debt that i had acquired when i had been earning less and now had a mortgage of $1700(property tax went up that same year). So I gave up a great job with an excellent salary..because she asked me to..she left me with no income, a huge mortgage and no health insurance..what if i had another seizure...i would have to have tests and treatment and i also was not legally allowed to drive for 6months as well.Ok..if that's not enough to sink me into depression..it get's worse. I became so depressed I had trouble forcing myself to go on interviews..now i realized i was seriously depressed...but after 3 months of collection calls they started to foreclose on my house..i found a job within a month..Started my new position on Feb 27th began to feel better and was sure I could pull myself out of this....13 days later on March 11i got a call from my neighbor at 11 am telling me i needed to get home now..my house was on fire and it had already spread from the back of the house through the roof. All i could think about was my baby..Haley..and I was afraid to ask her....I had adopted her the year before she was the only thing i cared about..I asked if she had gotten my dog out and she told me she had died from smoke inhalation..My heart broke that day...I didn't care about anything else i had lost..but why her..she was the only thing I had to go home to. She got me through those last few months..just because she was so attached to me...The way she died..it was not fair..She saved me that night...who knows what he would have done if I was asleep or unable to move. I would have never heard that guy crawling through my window...if she hadn't awoken me. I had more emotional distress that I could take...and I don't really remember the next few months..except for major things. Everything in my house was gone..all my clothes..i had no home..my dog was in a garbage bag in the garage and I just sat there in shock..the firefighters started asking me if i was in foreclosure and stating the were going to check for accelerants...they were basically accusing me of starting the fire but even worse of killing my Haley..and I just lost it at that point..I was hysterically crying and screaming at them...how dare you..get the f*** out of my house...test whatever u f**** want and waste your ttime and money...i didn't start my home on fire and if i had i wouldn't have killed the only thing in my life that i loved. I walked outside and didn't know where to go..what to do...i had no money..couldn't even go to a hotel..so I just got in car and drove around for hours...I sincerely didnt know what to do or where to go.. my sister came to get me...but i just wanted to be alone..I just sobbed..uncontrollably..the next few hours..all i wanted was Haley back..didn't care if i lived in a box..i was angry at God and would just scream why her?? of all things to do to me why her..and that's when i wasn't sure if there was a god anymore..my mother said to my..."god only gives someone as much as they can bear" and i was so upset i yelled at her...If that was true..then we wouldn't have so many people committing suicide now would we? They couldn't take it anymore and neither could I..i really couldn't..i had no home to go to and it was in foreclosure..i lost my new job because i had missed so many days...they really did try but they were very far behind and it was a business decision...and think i spent the next 3 months in sitting in my temporary house alone.i barely remember that time..just going through the house inventory...trying to remember what i had and thinking about it made it worse. I would wake up in the middle of the night thinking hoping..this was a dream i was going to wake up from. So anyway..i had lived off my credit cards the previous 6 months and didnt even care what i spent...I bought myself stuff just to fill a viod and didnt even worry about repayment because I had decided to sell my and use the equity to pay off all the bills and buy a smaller home. So I continued to do so for a few more months.Well eventually...they cut u off..lol All my life i had perfect credit..i had a credit score of 834 when i was 26 and had owned 3houses and never used my credit cards..I had platinum visas with a 25,000 limit . And here i am now yrs later I had no job...my credit was ruined and my home was in foreclosure..i was so desperate I thought about changing my name and moving out of the state..i was completely humiliated. Obviously the foreclosure was postponed due to the fire and my insurance had put me in temporary housing but i still had to pay the mortgage which i couldn't. I was given 2000 emergency money for immediate needs from the insurance and received 20k check about a month later..(that was just partial payment for my items..we were still pricing and doing the inventory. I took that check and deposited it was told it would take 2 weeks to clear the funds due to the amount...i begged them to call the insurance company as well as the bank it was from to verify..i told her i lost everything..i had no clothes and was losing my house and auto ins had to be paid...she finally agreed to do call then next day and so I wrote all my checks...14k to the attorneys that were now handling the foreclosure and my car ins. payment was already 9days late i had only 5days before they would cancel the policy so I thought it was all ok...well it wasn't ok..i had a call that same week from an office i had interviewed at a few months prior and they fired the person they hired and asked me if i was still interested. I told them i just had the fire so i did want the job but i would need some flexible time the first month or so till i straightened out the inventory of my belongings..found a contractor..and decided on what to rebuild the interior with.etc He said no problem...(ya right)within 3 weeks a couple of his laziest long term employees in the office i worked with complained daily if i left an hour early or had a longer lunch to deal with this and he decided he couldn't take their complaining and he was really sorry but he had to let me go...What happened to me after this...is where I just gave up...I can't hope dream or even think about a future anymore because I can't go through another loss again...and I can't even convince myself I will ever be happy again. I left there in tears and was crying so hard i rear ended 2 people trying to drive home....it wasn't a bad crash or anything but i had a truck and smashed the bumpers pretty good...truthfully i didn't even care that much...the insurance co already told me after the house was rebuilt they would not be renewing my policy..so i cost them a bit more..I get a call about a week later from an insurance agent stating to me that they called my insurance and my policy was canceled a month prior to that. My bank apparently decided to not clear those funds immediately and what i still cant believe is they returned those checks marked NON Sufficient funds...That's when i completely lost all sadness and just got filled with rage..i went to the bank screaming at them ...how could you bounce my 100 insurance check when I have 20k dollars in my account..She stated that she called Chase Bank in New York and they couldn't verify the funds due to their policies. It was a God dam check from Metropolitan Life a major insurance company so it was easy enough to call them to verify that they wrote me the check.I know some insurance companies have not paid claims however Met life was a nationwide insurer of homes/auto/life and in the 7yrs that i had been insured with them..i don't recall a single news report or have ever heard of them bouncing insurance payments...And at the very least you could have held my checks till it cleared How dare they mark them NSF when i have 20k in there..i was livid..So i withdrew the entire 20k since they hadn't pd anything out. I demanded a logical explanation as to how something could be NSF even though a check hadn't cleared yet..and all they kept saying was...it was NSF because those funds were not yet available. The manager said she couldn't call Met life to verify since they were not the bank..even though they issued the check in the first place. And i told her that she didn't even have the decency to call me..she knew my situation..So i withdrew all of the money except for 20 bucks..I assumed all of the checks i wrote were bounced but a few other payments i had written checks for the w prior to that...utilities, phone, i paid my past due with Comed $400 and $300 gas.had not cleared yet..and guess what.. they cleared those checks with no money in the account and paid them.Apparently no money is more acceptable than a 20k insurance check so they can charge me with $33 NSF per check and then $60 in overdraft fees and $10 a day the account was negative. I received my statement that month stating I was negative $1700..i went to that bank and told that manager where she could stick that statement because they cost me thousands of dollars...I was being sued by 2 auto ins companies..and fined by the state for no insurance and had my license suspended. I couldn't reinstate my license until i started to pay restitution to the insurance companies. And after all of this..i still had some hope left in me that i was going to find another job and be able to keep my house...well i did find work but not for another month and a half so my house would go back into foreclosure in 45 more days..I wasn't making enough to cover that large of a mortgage...I also spent the bulk of the insurance money getting my house out of foreclosure...and had to buy at the very least a new computer to keep up with the legal changes and and some clothes to go to work in....well i had decided already i was going to sell it and get out of debt but it was not rebuilt by June as they had promised...i couldn't move back in until august..so i was back in foreclosure i owed friends and family several thousand just to keep my cell phone on and to pay my insurance and put gas in my car..that was truly the lowest point in my entire life other than losing my puppy..i lost all hope of ever pulling out of debt...credit collections called me 60-70 times a day..i just stopped answering my phone and locked myself in my house...I started working at a radiation oncology clinic..I have always loved my job..never wanted to work in any other field...i loved working with the patients and they like me as well...but i couldn't do it anymore...i couldn't take the stress..i used to love to go out of my way to reassure and make patients as comfortable as possible and I lost the ability to do it..i just didn't have the desire to..it was even worse then..knowing i couldn't do the job i used to love and i hated my life...i ended up doing the one thing i swore i would never do ..i had to file bankruptcy...i wanted to die. I couldn't get a credit card so if i didn't have 5 dollars to put gas in my car i had to beg for money...i had days when i didn't have money to eat..and ran out of gas on the road..i went from working since i was 13yrs old and taking care of myself..my father passed away when i was 3 and mom is disabled...and buying a home at the age of 22 to being 35 years old..and i couldn't take care of myself..i lost everything i had spent 17 yrs working for..i never vacationed..i never bought a new car..and only bought myself clothing etc..when it was on sale to get to where i was...and I lost it all..and without credit...i cant get it back either...so I didn't know what to do with my self and i took a job leasing cars for an independent dealer....hence my situation at present..apparently he had not been paying off customer loans/trade ins and then selling them as well so US bank and gmac have filed federal fraud charges against him and we lost all of our business...He kept this situation private and just kept saying that the banks were not approving our customers for financing...well...after my bankruptcy my mother did not want me to pay rent...and neither did i so she applied for a loan and i got a condo...i will be going into foreclosure in march officially..because i haven't earned any money the last 2 months...and i have no where else to go...oh..almost forgot..my car failed emissions too and i couldn't afford to fix it so they suspended my license again too....and com ed left me a message this morning that my electricity will be disconnected on march 10 if i didn't make a payment.....i am at a complete loss as to what to do....i went through desparate last month and now am hopeless again...if i sell the condo..i will have no place to live and the mortgage is close to what rent would be anyway...and that's if i could even find someone to rent to me after they do a credit check.....someone please tell me what to do...and for anyone else out there in a desparate situation..i hope you take some comfort in the fact..that you're not me...I hope everyone on here in need of help finds a guardian angel. I don't have the will to keep going anymore..please give me some advice....even if it's to just give up and jump off a bridge..I can't lose my home again...Please help... thank you for listening..
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Add a comment or a question here - on this page... or on any other page in this space.
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Note: This aidpage was started as a comment on " HOPELESS and at a complete loss. Am i ever going to live a life again? .Can anyone help me?"Hi...thank you for your prayers and thoughts. i had a few o...see full post
Note: This aidpage was started as a comment on "Home page of PRICILLIA"HELLO MY NAME IS PRICILLIA AND I AM A GIRL OF HOPE AND LOVE.I AM ASKING FOR SOME HELP TOWARDS MY COLLAGE,SO I MAY ALSO HELP MY ON...see full post
Note: This aidpage was started as a comment on "Home page of PRICILLIA"HELLO MY NAME IS PRICILLIA AND I AM A GIRL OF HOPE AND LOVE.I AM ASKING FOR SOME HELP TOWARDS MY COLLAGE,SO I MAY ALSO HELP MY ON...see full post
Here since: Feb 20, 2007
Female, 32
TO GO TO COLLAGE IS MY DREAM..
TORONTO, ONTARIO, Canada
Languages: GREEK
HELLO MY NAME IS PRICILLIA,IAM A GIRL WITH HOPE AND LOVE,MOST IS THAT I AM ASKING FOR HELP BY HELPING ME WITH MY COLLAGE FUNDS WONT ONLY HELP ME, BUT I COULD GIVE MY ONLY MOTHER THAT HAS RAISED ME ON ...see full post
